the second thought

ok. i'm staying. there have been lots of twists and turns, but there. right now, the decision is to stay.

where? why? huh?? what the hell am i talking about?!?

let's have a brief recap.

march '06: planned to just go back to the philippines. had a ticket for april 9 . a week before my scheduled departure, a sudden turn of events led me to believe that i should wait and see if better (work) opportunities were about to come my way. but no, i didn't have anything to expect. so last june, i again rearranged my plans - now focused on singapore. i even had an interview lined up (thanks to khris). but i cancelled it, as fate would have it. why oh why oh why?

huh. i don't know. haha...

i've spent so many weeks thinking and praying about my situation and how i would move on from it. most of the time, i came to the conclusion that leaving was the best option. even if i'd be away from my family. even if i'd get frustrated and rethink my plans whenever somebody told me i shouldn't go. i usually ended up with believing that i could always come back, no big deal. or that i would definitely see my family again in the future, wherever.

then two weeks ago, i had a realization. in a span of an hour or so, things in my mind changed and my going-away plans became unthinkable. this so called eureka moment didn't even contain information that i didn't know before. it was about the probability of not being with my family for a long long while. i don't really understand how all these things came about. i have no clear-cut explanation. there. weird. weird. weird. i guess i'm crazy! haha.. all i know is that here i am, decided to stay.

i have a lot of "i should have...." and "what if i had..." sentences about the recent past, but decided against indulging myself with them. whatever happened, already happened. so no more thinking. just trust in the movement of the spirit. time to completely let go and let God again. =)

HANDA NAKONG HAMUNIN ANG AKING MUNDO!